Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Luck is a Lady

This past Friday I took a spill, I fell HARD and broke my tailbone. OUCH!
This is a very painful situation but I'm 'tough'; as my husband told our boys. It bugged me when he said it but when I thought about it more I guess it's true. I concluded that I am tough, although I prefer the word 'strong' or 'resilient'. I would rather sound like a noble red wood tree rather than an over-cooked piece of meat.
But sometimes I wish I wasn't tough or at least I wish I could be more capable of asking for help and admitting when I am in need,than I presently do. It's difficult for me to BE vulnerable, it's not about appearances it is about allowances. I don't allow myself to rely on others.
Anyway, I have repeatedly wished this was different some how. So this weekend, after having literally broken my ass, I let myself lean on family and friends.
It was hard for me and there were times I felt guilty for needing so much but I was able to admit that there is only so much a person can do when they are laid up with a broken bottom. AND, it turns out, friends and family seemed to enjoy caring for this care giver. I honestly felt like it brought them satisfaction tending to my needs. It was an odd experience, laying in bed being able to hear the household confusion and the rumblings (where is my? and don't touch that!) between brothers. I didn't feel powerless or guilty but instead I felt confident they would work things out and meet their own needs.
What it comes down to is, I'm a lucky lady. When I first fell, I thought I had broken my back. I lay face down on the floor and I couldn't move. I almost fell asleep, I could feel sleep pulling at me to slip away for a while. It hurt so bad. But I resisted and I wiggled my fingers and then my toes, convincing myself I could stand when I was ready. And I did stand and walked and eventually I made it to the ER to discover that the crunching sound I heard and felt was my coccyx cracking.
I went back to work today. I'm feeling much better tonight but I am also very,very tired. It was a full moon last night and the toddlers were showing it today. Phew! What a busy group of two year olds! I am sure I will be asleep before my head hits the pillow.

I recently read a post by a parent & friend of mine, that spoke volumes, it was about how life is like a roller coaster. I never much cared for roller coasters but I appreciate the comparison.
This was suppose to be a post thanking family and friends, not a rant. I apologize. Watch your step Mamas and Papas. And take help when you need it.


plaidshoes said...

I hope you are feeling better! I can't imagine how painful it must be and to work with two year olds! I wish I was there to help you out - but I am glad that you did ask your friends and family. I am sure they were glad to be there for you!

writinggb said...

Ouch! So sorry about your injury. Sounds painful.

I was just thinking earlier about how important it is that we let people help us. Tonight I spoke to my neighbor on the phone, whom we just found out is in the advanced stages of cancer. He is young like us, in his forties, with three young kids at home -- one of whom has Downs. He is the family's sole bread-winner.

I tried to convey to him how much we want to help, how letting us do something would be a kindness. My son's immediate reaction tonight was: "What can we do?"

People want to help. Sometimes we, the caregivers, forget that it is a generous thing to ask for help and allow people to give that gift.

Hope you feel better soon.

A said...

Yikes! I hope you heal quickly! Don't feel guilty for milking it either! You deserve it! :)

jojoebi said...

ohh that sounds so painful, I hope you heal quickly (not too quickly, enjoy the patient treatment whilst you can)
take it easy,

MoziEsmé said...

Ouch ouch ouch! Hope the pain goes away soon! And glad it wasn't worse...

Making of a Montessori Mum said...

Ohhh. That sounds painful. Glad you were able to allow in the love and care that obviously abounds around you.

And so glad it was nothing worse - though that sounds bad enough!

Take care, rest up. And go easy on that ol' coccyx (such a funny sounding part of the body I always think).


Karin said...

Oh no! How awful!! I did have to laugh at the broken ass comment though.

But oh my......((((((((Hugs))))))))

I'm glad so many are helping.It's true, when others are allowed to help, it's healing for all. People do want to help. I wish I could!

Koko's mama said...

Oh my. I hope you are feeling better now.

Where in the World?


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