Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The Real Mom in Me

I recently got a letter from an old childhood friend. In it she wrote that she had looked me up and found her way to my blog. She said many lovely and wonderful things to me in the letter; it was beautiful. However, when I finished reading it I thought, she doesn't really know me. Because all she was going by after all these years, were the bits and pieces of me I posted on my blog. Montessori Mama is the mother I aspire to be, in reality I make allot of mistakes. So, it occurred to me I should let you all in on a little secret:
I'm not perfect. No one is.
I gave up trying to be perfect years ago but some how I have still managed to present an unrealistic projection of myself on this blog. Although I personally feel that blogs that teach something or inspire people are more enjoyable to read than ones that are a daily vent of people's personal lives; I do feel like I want to share more about what being a parent means for me personally. It would bother me if people were reading my ideas and suggestions and thinking badly of themselves because they "should be doing more"with their children.

The point is this is not a competition, and we are all in this together. I became a mother very young and I often feel like my oldest and I have grown up together. I've learned allot from becoming a mother and from working with families.

Some things I've had to learn the hard way:
  • pretzel rods are not a toddler friendly food
  • If you don't encourage your child to learn to swim when they are small (and often afraid) they really won't want to learn when they are older.
  • fighting with your spouse in front of your kids is not a good idea.
  • too much TV can be harmful.
  • your mother in law will inevitably learn how you really feel about her if you vent to your 5 year old.
  • when you have more than one child, eating out is no longer an option
Over the years there have been several amazing women I have aspired to be like. And I've always felt I came up short. I'm trying not to do that to myself anymore. I try my best and pray I don't make too many mistakes along the way. The main reason I believe I am a good parent is because I keep learning every day. I'm open to it and I follow my children's lead.

Considering there is no test that a person must pass in order to become a parent I think we all do what we can with the tools we've been given. In my case (being that I am an over achiever) I was given a 'tool box' from my own parents and when I became a parent I began trying to fill my tool box with new and improved tools and any that I hadn't received. My husband did the same thing and soon our tool boxes were quite full. And I've also discovered that a parent can never really fill their tool box because there is always more to learn.

Out of all the teachers and mentors I've had the privilege of knowing and learning from, it has been my children who have taught me the most. The hardest lessons and the most rewarding and beautiful ones too:
  • Spanking doesn't work
  • If I swear they will swear too
  • Fast food is not good for growing bodies
  • Reading out loud is entertaining for everybody if the book is Harry Potter
  • Halloween doesn't have to be scary
  • whoever it was who invented Legos was a genius
  • whoever it was who invented the kazoo never had children
  • words can hurt MORE than sticks and stones
  • Daddies can kiss boo-boos and take bad dreams away, sometimes BETTER than Mommy
  • my heart can love more than one baby
So there you have it. I've fed my boys fast food, let them watch movies they maybe were not ready for (i.e they ended up with bad dreams), I've yelled at them more times than I want to confess, I've said the wrong thing and made the situation worse, I've swore, yelled at their Dad and said their teacher must be nuts, I've broken a promise or two and even lied once every year (yes, there is a Santa).

Thank you for reading my blog and for trying some ideas with your children. I'm not trying to impress you, I'm trying to connect with you and learn from you. I enjoy this medium for communicating but recognize it can be one dimensional, the real Mom in me is 3D.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

This post was sorely needed by me today. Thank you for writing it. :)

plaidshoes said...

Thank you for posting this! I often read other people's blogs and think my life isn't even close to how peaceful and beautiful as their's seem. It can be disheartening. You are right, in blogs we tend to project the best of us - it is important to remember that there is a whole lot not being said. Thank you for sharing!

writinggb said...

What a beautiful post! Of course, what we show and see on the net is only a fractin and is constructed, however truthful we try to be.

A friend of mine recently told me she is divorcing her husband. Turns out he is addicted to chat rooms and portrays a false image of himself. He has had affairs (in real world) with women he met there, too. I guess the internet can be a place to hide.

I appreciate what you share, though, of your life. It's interesting to see your ideas. Thanks!

village mama said...

Thank you for making the time to write this all out.

It's beautiful, honest, raw and inspiring, truly, truly!!

Thank you for sharing the beautiful bits of your life. I love your blog because it feels honest, not preachy or perfect. Your blog uplifts me, recharges my tired eyes and heart especially when I'm having a lot of ugly bits in my days. xo Village Mama

ambermarie. said...

You are amazing! I can relate to everything in your post! Thank you for putting that out there! I think as women/mothers we are way too hard on ourselves...& it's extremely refreshing to read something so down to earth and 'real'! Your words inspire me!

Evenspor said...

Thanks so much for this post. :)

Mama J said...

You're still pretty dang cool in my book. I've begun watching a 7 year old home-schooled lass on Fridays, so your "perfect" blog will be even more of a wonderful and rich resource to me. Thank you for sharing all of your good work--exploring the path that you have so lovingly paved is making my bushwhacking attempts at motherhood much more enjoyable. :-)

Jocelyn said...

You are eloquent and maybe that is why it comes across as one dimensional. You are real and that is what intrigues me. You wouldn't be able to put all your beautiful words together if you never lost your patience, lost your temper or accidentally did something completely against what you believe.

Natalie said...

Well spoken. True. Good. I am hogging the computer from my 13 year old, who needs it to rush through assignments before we meet with the home school adviser. Like you, I want to emphasize the positive in my blog, and yet there is the whole truth... lol

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